Abhay was sitting in his room reading  a book ..he was tensed nowadays..the results would be in any day..The times when he was happy an having fun with his bunch were now just a fading memory.The entire Noise was engulfed in a mist of tension the past few days.His parents hadn't reminded him of the approaching day as the could see how much he was tensed about the results.Twice ..twice he was let down by one mark in the same subject.Well what would you say ...sometimes bad luck just squeezes every bit of the joy that is in you..He had stopped going out his jokes an his laughter who were always alongside him had left him in solitude.The only conversations he had freely were the ones he had with ram..He called him daily .They discussed how ram could buy his new punto and when he did convince his parents to buy one, the discussions led on the  funny but not any less serious lane of how he would had to take a run from his house if he doesnt pass.Ram had told his parents that he will pass for sure and asked them to get his car before the results.Both were waiting for the bomb to go off.Abhay wasnt looking forward for checking his results..he had been disappointed everytym he did.As he was lazyily turning the pages of the book.He saw a new txt on his phone..it was ram "the results are out".abhay felt as if had swallowed a block of ice..He replied"da check mine too..my number is 10m2483"
He was restless he started walking out of his room made 2 rounds in the hall upstairs then came down and continued his tailchase down in the main hall.His mom came up to him and asked "why what happened to your face ?? U look mortified..is your results out?? "
Abhay replied"no..its nothing ..il tell you wen it comes" .He was a little angry at the way she asked him almost like she caught him doing something wrong but at the same time he didn't want her tensed..
It was then that his mom told him something that he won't forget in his life.It was a big moment ..
She told"did u fail in your exams?! I saw a nightmare today that u did"
Abhay looked as if his dear mom had clubbed his head.He was rooted to the spot.This ain't gud.his mom used to have these intuitions and most of the times they turned out to be real.He mumbled "no" and came up to his room.He could not wait any longer.."what the fuck was ram doing?whats taking so long?!!"
He checked on the site and typed in his roll no. Abhay
Result:fail
He froze in his seat.He felt as if someone stuck an umbrella inside his ass and opened it after.He was frustrated , he was spent, he was done.
He broke the news to his parents, they were broken down but tried hard to put up a comforting face.Abhay was devastated to see his dad bent back on his armchair.Amidst all this mourning comes a phone ring...
It was Ram...
Ram: Da monae..pass macha I cleared.
Abhay gulped down his sorrow that he would be alone as this ass had passed and tried being happy for his friend.
Abhay:"congrats man....atleast one of us did."
Ram:"wtf are you saying man??"
Abhay:I flunked man..again..by one mark.its a hat trick.i just checked the site"
Ram:"no way are you kidding..Which site did u check it in??"
Abhay:"THE usual university site.Now dont piss me off"
Ram started laughing on phone..now abhay was getting real pissed..sensing it would be better to come clean or something ram added in a haste
"Asshole..its the old site.i just checked the new one...you cleared u ass.hahaha...."
Abhay:"what..are you serious? ??"
Ram:"yes ass am dead serious..check the new one if you want.."
Abhay rushed off to check..yaa..he was ryt..HE CLEARED!!!!!!
He came down to let his folks know that he did..someone walking by the house might have thought there are a bunch of mad people gone crazy in the house as everyone were laughing and his dad was throwing cash into the air asking him to go celebrate as much as you want...
The abhay everyone knew was back rising from the grave of his never ending gloom...
It was a new beginning a fresh start..

Chapter 3:- exams ...

10 days to xams. ... its been a week or two since she has graced his eyes...its been so long.where did she dissappear off to?? Is she sick? Did she change her room ? Did she move out? Did she drop the course??or is she jst studying inside her room?!!
There were a millions questions and doubts on her sudden disappearance in abhays head where it should have been histology osteology and stuff.Even when he was going through his books he would stop now and then to give food for these thoughts..

"Enoughhh!!!!" He shouted at himself within his
head"u have enough and more on your plate already..finish this off first".
That was the last he thought of her for days.Maybe  it was an infactuation an it will disintegrate to the very bits  of clay that had moulded these hillocks of a dream world . But then only maybe...
         
             ***      ***       ***          ***        ***
Someone in the 5th floor could hear the thumbing footsteps as abhay paced towards the examination hall, he was running late almost everyone myt have reached . Coming early kinda works in his favour always as he gets atleast 2-3  sure shot questions discussing with his friends. Reaching outside the hall he moved past the crowd in the waiting area looking for his buddies.cramping through the thick abhay stomp over a leg an heard an "ouch" and something in kannada.he turned back an saw a cute gal with a chaurasia book.

Little did he know then who she was for he had not seen her upclose till now he gave her a quick sorry with a non apologetic face and dashed off in the the opposite direction.she doesnt rmbr this even today, but he made a mental sketch of this gal..."another one whom I meet the 1st tym.the fresher do have a lot of hiding shy faces huh.."he made a note in head.
Its funny how we see the same person in differnt ways and differnt place and our head gives a diffent picture of them not realizing they are but the same. Sometimes our head gives us the answer to the toughest of our doubts but it also fails to identify the one person your dieing to meet in two diffent avatars an brings them right in front of you and you dont notice them.most of the people miss out on these "ones" in their so called perfect time slot in life ,wheras the the few remaining fail to recognise them as the "ones" ....hmmm..quite confusing I know..but so is life isnt it?!!

                 ***** ****** **** ****** *******

And then he saw it...it was the last day of the exams..hes been free since he jst had a couple of papers to write this time.There was a sight not pleasing to his sight...she was going home or something.she had 3 bags or so , two of them  looked quite heavy as she leaned to the opposite side to balance the weight.He stood th in his neighbours room looking out of the window for the better veiw.A white hyundai fluidic to which she stuffed her bags and slide inside.As he watched the car move on he felt something funny in his stomach...something like a gut feeling or something. .something one might have when you realized that your left something behind or missed something bad but dont know what it is.it took him some time  an the last glance of the cars tail lamp to figure out what it really was that he missed

Its the saddest thing in the world to see someone you like walk away from you .with each step, taking away hope and expectancy of everything v had planned as future.with each step they drift away at last there wont b anything between them but a large void .
N

Chapter 2:-in peace



Peace villa...karthik was rolling.Hes from shimooga and he is the one who crushes like a god..He



the flash if we are justice league characters..Hes just that faaaast.He too had failed an was giving



xams with abhay.so was ram a kannur walla nri he was the only one drinking.He does not get



lost travel in the stars or take as one hippy might say take the "higher route".He was smiling at



the way peter karthiks apprentice , a bds fresher was looking with expectation as karthi rolled



an licked the paper clean to make the perfect pencil..placing the roch to his lips karthi signalled



every1 to sit around him as peters light his lighter an blasted the peace stick...



A puff of smoke here a smoke there.. after half an hour and 4 such devils canes later abhay was



soon laying on ram's lap who was sipping on to his last beer an saying about owning a punto.But



abhay was not listening to that...nor was he listening to the fast hip hop music to which aslam



peter an peters close frnd ajith was dancing .abhay was lost, lost in his own world.The stars in sky



wer dancing for him.he was single again.ritu got placed in some company in pune.she had come



to meet him for the last tym.He was alone an had gotten rid of ritu before she turned to be a



headache..life was gud except for the exam part..I hope I clear this time..its been 1 year.



Abhay woke up to his alarm he looked over the window half expecting to see the very girl he



has become accustomed to.Its been a month he has been obseving her and now he shared a



secret friendship with her.Hes been used to seeing her blurred image from far with the morning rays



of sun.it kinda made his day ..the day wont be cheerful enuf if he would have slept through her



study time.He even hoped that even if no one else passed this girl should pass 1st year with him.She



dint know of this secret friend of hers nor did she know she had become such an internal part



of another persons life.Abhay slowly became more serious in studies an gave company to



his "friend" in the balcony.She became an influence in his life, a force without either of their
knowledge..

                               Just not me ….

                                 

                                               Sudeep.R

                                 

  Forward:-Life…..what is it…we all search the answer to this question all our lives .Only a very few figure out what they are actually searching for and even fewer are happy with what they find. its such a complex thing…life .love hatred friendship courtship…all sorts of attachments commitment responsibilities duties …….one might feel suffocated and disdained when they give wind to these thoughts… 

Chapter 1:-life till then…

 Abhays life was kinda confusing …He was a 1^{st mbbs} repeater and he was giving his exams for the 3^rd time in next this may. He was lying in his bed saliva oozing from the sides of this He was lying on his bed with saliva oozing out of half opened mouth wetting his pillow before waking up with a jerk to the loud bhajan that was his alarm most of the days coming from the next door gujju offering morning prayers.."Asshole why the hell does he keep it so fucking loud?!! He want god to fall down an listen to his pleas?!!"thot abhay getting up wiping off the drip. His head was still buzzing from yesterday night bash at his frnds house from where he somehow managed to convince his frnds that he had to study..But frnds being friends were quick to realize the internal fight that was going inside everytym he shot a gaze at the bottles...they snt him hostel after a few pegs an quick dance moves. he hit the bed early thinking he will wake up to study in the morning (yea ryt..like thats ever gonna happen).

Pissing in to the  toilet an lighting a cigarette he smiled at the stunts of his frnds at peace villa..thats wat they call themselves peace bros..HIs frnds sure knw how to enjoy life..wiping his face he opened the window to let the cool breeze in.it had rained like the past 2 weeks.abhay felt a chill up his spine an he took a deep drag of his cigarette. .awsme..He scanned the girls hostel  a few metres away looking for any pretty faces that myt make his day better.no one..guess every1 must b sleeping..hmm.

It was 10 past 4."who would b out in the corridor at this tym?"he thought."even the book worms would b studying within the warmth of the walls of their room.il sleep too mayb for another half an hour".

Looking out in thought taking a quick gulp of water he was about ready for his second round of peaceful sleep when he noticed a door open in the fourth floor of girls hostel an a light flickering..smeone came out with two books minimum an a study board .she sat in a chair facing boys hostel streching her legs in front of her."omg she is a crazy one...it must b freezing out there.."abhay thought as he looked in disbelief before crashing to his bed thinking "fuck she is either nuts or is fighting the sleep..an here I cant study evn in my room..pfff.."

Waking up to his alarm at 6 the first thing  abhay did was check if the girl had givn up her suicidal mission..he lifted just his head from the bed an saw her still sitting the same way..fully layerd but bare feet facing towards the cold wind..wow...shes tough..abhay had a sudden ignition of his duties as a repeater an a flame for studyn..he hit the books but soon within half an hour he was bored an started idling away time.He din have class now as he was a repeater but anyways it was a sunday an he was goona meet ritu..oh ..ritu was his gf for the past 4 months.shes doin her engg in manipal about 2 hrs frm manglore..so they meet up on weekends..he looked back.she was still studying.

" damn fuck her and her books"cursing the  girl  who reminded him of his exams abhay lazyily crashed upon his bed..again..